It's something that somehow (almost) everybody would experienced. Either once, twice, three times, or more. Either having it with different person, or going on and off with the same person.
I, myself just experienced it. This wasn't my first break up, but with the same person on and off. But this time, I guess this was really the final straw.
I once read that people can actually die because of broken heart. Really? I have to quote you one of fine line from one of my fave TV series, Perception:
"Why are breakups so damn excruciating?
Maybe because everything reminds you of your lover and hence your loss.
Hearing your favorite Smiths song on the radio, eating Hotdogs on the lopsided park bench when the first 'I Love You' was spoken.
It's no wonder you can't go 24 hours without bursting into tears.
When people see images of their loved ones, the Caudate Nucleus of Basal Ganglia floods with Dopamine.
Nicotine and other drugs also stimulate increases in Dopamine. So that when you try to quit smoking or sugar, your brain craves the substance the same way it craves the person who broke your freaking heart.
You'll do crazy, idiotic things to get your fix.
That's because when you're in love, it's not as if you're an addict.. You ARE an addict.. Literally."
So, speaking of being an addict, sometimes we forget how destructive or overwhelming something is.
That's simply because we are addicted to it or them. But then again, is being an addict bad? I once told that everything follows after the word 'too' is never good. So is being an addict, I summarize. Because addiction could simply said as 'too attached'? am I right, here? or is there something you want to revise or object? Please.. This is not my field of expertise also.
Talking about break ups, of course we can not set it apart from its forever partner, the mighty LOVE. Yep. Break ups happened, for once we were in love. And as the damn quote said, that we do crazy and stupid things while we are in love. Amazing right? And yet also scary at the same time. The signs of something should be ended, at this case, relationship, or Love as we usually say, sometimes appears more often than we realize. But, for the sake of love, once again I said it, we cover it with the rose-colored glass. We ignore them. Because we believe, or we want to believe, that everything's gonna be alright. Yeah, blame it on Bob Marley! He's the one that let us grow with the beliefs that everything's gonna be alright. Just kidding. I love you, Bob! I love your song! Please don't hate me...
One thing, I once have this sculpture hung on my living room. The sculpture is not an image, but a quote. the quote goes like this:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
by Reinhold Niebuhr.
Awesome, right?. I wonder what was got into Niebuhr's life before he able to expel this mesmerizing quotes. Was he in some kinda huge dilemma of his life? Like the life and death decision or was he at some cheesy juvenile love stories? I don't know right now. I'll browse deeper and let you know.
Okay, back to topic.. This quote should reminds us that we all have our limits. We have to set those right along with our values. As if, if we value honesty and loyalty, so a second change for your partner who is cheating, should have been enough. We shouldn't given them third chance, or fourth chance, or fifth chance, or on and on and on chances. that'd degrade our value as a human being, and at at the same time, not helping the other person to become a better one.
With the limit and value going along together, there we should be able to pull out choices, and make decision. There! that's the huge point. The one that needs extra courage. I could say that I know how hard that is. We know the value we carry on our shoulders, we understand the limit we set, we are able to pulling the choices out, but when it comes to make the decision, the heart, or that addiction thing kicks in! Voila! There comes another compromise, or forgiveness, or ignorance. We shut our brain off for a moment. For the sake of being happy again. The feeling of being wanted again. Or et cetera and et cetera... You named it. Been there. Done that.
As Neibuhr already said, that we have to understand the difference between the thing that we can and can not change. I am actually a believer of 'People could change... Someday' But these past months, I began to doubt myself. Perhaps, Some people might not destined to change. Maybe that just how they are and what they are. Maybe, they just not meant to be part of our future.
Just accept it, and thank them for the past they've given us.
Because that's how break ups suppose to be: make us stronger, and wiser 😘
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