Friday, October 13, 2017

He's Just Not That Into You

@evatarida evatarida evataridasitompul

Many of us are contaminated by the word "friendzone" Like we are now served with a phase of our life - well love life- that we can get away with by throwing the friendzone word.
But is it really true?
Or is it really works as it sounds?

For me, it should be easily translated into "he/she is just not that into you".

How come?

So, many of us might have been caught up in a heated and intense conversation with someone. for weeks, or even months. So much that we, like it or not, realize it or not, get attached by the routine. 
By the time being on texting basis, it seems all the feelings were reciprocated. Easy, because when you text, you have all the time in the texting standard time to arrange a proper answer/respond. It'll be so much different when the conversations or the on going relationship is done by doing face to face meet up, direct contact, or so.
The intense conversation might also spiced up by having a flirtatious words and conversation every now and then. For some, might even lead to an even more heated steps. I'm still talking about texting here. But well, in this sophisticated era, what barrier is left here anymore? Almost to none.

And then, come the holy grail called the Meet Ups. When all the text based throw and catch might become real. Or not. Depends on how it would go.
For us that's been be ourselves the whole texting-date period, we might find it a bit easier to handle the meet ups. Because we don't have to do the whole stage act and theatrical to maintain our role which he/she likes. But for us that's been acting to be someone whom we're not, well.. I wish you best of luck. 

When the meet ups come, we of course have prepared the best of us, and here that we should never forget, is to also prepare for the worst outcome. Often we get caught up in our own excitement, in our own imagination and scenarios of how it'd turn up. Little that we  know, that we actually creating it all by ourselves. We mold the image of the other person based on the whole months of text dating, we create the joyous feeling by reflecting every each of the exchanging texts by our own feeling and hopes. There. That is where the disappointment usually takes over quickly afterwards.

Alright, let's say, the meet ups went well. You spent the lovable 5 hours conversation with him/her. Smiling, giggling, shared embarrassing story or two, and even reveal few little new things upon. And then what happened?
The time is up, time to bid adieu. Which might goes either way. It may be just a friendly hug and kisses on the cheeks, or it can even lead to a more intimate as in a nice goodnight kiss. Furthermore, in other part of culture of this world, we might spend the night together. Getting to know each other better.
As John Mayer said in his song "discovering me, discovering you."

Happy ending, eh?
Uh-huh. The sun is still up the next day.
Anything might happens.
Whatever we chose to end the night, there's still the next morning to face.

Let's just pass through it, and go straight to the phase where the meets up phase is finished, and we have to get back to texting again. Well, because we both have to continue our life, don't we? We still have to go to work or school. And moreover if we are living in a different city or country, then of course we have to get back to our own place.
There's actually the real challenge comes. And actually the point of my post :D

The great outcome might be: you both are just digging more into it, and decided to get the better of each other - you may interpret this any way you like. While work out all the obstacles you both face right now. It's great! Congratulations.

But there's also the other outcome: Where both of you don't think it's gonna work out. For so many reason. I can also say, this is good. Since you both are in the mutual agreement of terminate the further possibility. And then maintain the current condition, or probably permanently delete each other existence. - well not literally, but digitally, or text base meanings.

Finish? Nope. There's still this one possibility outcome. Here... This might sound familiar:
"I have to admit it was great. I really like you and I enjoy all the connection we have." and then continued... "It's just, I'm not ready for anything serious right now." or "but, I don't think I can do it with this many distance between us," or "but honestly, I'm not ready for this kinda complexity right now." and stuffs like that. And then the finish line "But I do hope we can still keep in touch. Because I do enjoy our time together."

What'd you do?

Are we just got friendzoned?

We might as well say that. 
But remember this, we can never force someone to like us, to go gaga over us, to want to be with us, to be crazy over us, to fall in love to us, or to want to spend the rest of their life with us.
we can not.

No matter how hurtful that sounds, but yes, that person might be just not that into you.
And yes, the decision might come after you guys meet face to face. That's when they start to confirming every check points they bring along with them on the meet ups. 
He/She probably likes you, but not that much so that they want to decide to go extra mile for it.
Remember, it takes special things for someone to be willing to do the extra miles. and that can be anything.

We may have tons of butterflies, the other person may feel it too. But that's just it. Having butterflies doesn't exactly mean you are into that person that much.

We may feel the sparkles, but the other person may not.
We may feel how connected we are with the other person, but sadly, the other person may not feel the same.
We may be willing to bring this to a step further, but the other person may want it status quo, or even few steps backwards.

How come?
What did I do wrong?
Probably nothing.

Chemistry isn't instant. No matter how long you've built it up.

When after all those times you've spent to build it up, after all the efforts you've been given, after everything, and still there's no progress, or he/she still "friendzones" you, just remember that he/she is just not that in to you, and time to move on.


A reminder: be gentle. 


oh how I love my playlist. :)

ps: hey, you, if you happen to read this, our experience just inspired me to write this. Thank you :) Oh, and sorry for few similarity here and there. you know, for the (almost) direct quotes ;p

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